It's the action that counts!

So!....I once heard, "We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions". I find myself sometimes going there these days. I am judging myself by what I am thinking and feeling, rather then what I am REALLY doing. So as I was out biking with a ladies group tonight I thought about going home writing a list of what I have DONE not what I have thought about it....so here goes......I DID show up for the bike ride (even though I thought of not going)....I DID make it up every hard long hill (even thought I though about getting off and walking)......I DO take care of my body by getting some sleep (even though some days I don't feel to worthy).....I DO let ALL my kids know how awesome they are daily (even thought I feel over whelmed with the responsibility of them).......I DO make a healthy good dinner for the family (even though by the end of the day I am so tired and done I can't think straight)........I DO go to bed with the thought of, "I'll try again tomorrow (even though I feel that some days were just a write off).....I DO keep finding ways to stay in motion (even thought I'm so tired I'm dizzy and I don't really look forward to it right now)....I DO keep getting back on the bike (even thought my Va-j-j screams at me PLEASE NO!!) ....WOW!! Ok that's pretty awesome!...there seems to be some pretty awesome things I'm doing right now.....what do you DO despite what you are thinking? Hope you're living in YOUR Awesome today!

Getting committed....

SO! I'm getting committed now! I have signed myself up for the Try-Tri distance at Kelso in Sept!!! EEEKKKK!!!... I know that signing up for a race is something that is helpful to help me stay in motion. I was just thinking about it too much and fear and self doubt was starting to creep in again. I have learned in the past that the best way to deal with that is just make a decision and move on!! So signing up for the race was me making the decision to keep and stay in motion and that's that!! I'm not sure what race day will look like but I'm just going to be taking it a day at a time anyways. Each week I am finding I am able to do more with less physical problems. Plus I am continuing to work closely with my medical team to ensure that everything I am doing is ok.....So as I registered I had a smile on my face as I typed in my race name 'Gail Van Awesome'! LOL! I love hearing them call that name as I cross the finish line :D.....SO! Van Awesome is BACK!!! I might not be as fast, as hardcore or as able as I once was but I have come to learn that 'VanAwesome' is my spirit, my attitude and my love for the life I have and the people in it...everything else is extra awesome! Hope you are living in YOUR Awesome today

Kicking PPD's a$$

Ok so! it's been interesting around here for sure. I have had some Post-partum depression issues coming up for me and things have become more challenging then normal. I am very lucky to have such awesome people in my life who are supporting me...one main one being my hubby Mr. VanAwesome. Often he has taking on a lot more then normal around here and with 3 kids in tow :D xoxo........The best way I can explain it is that the first voice that is in my head these days is the one that says, "I don't want to do that!" OR "Don't do it" OR "Just stop, just quit"...so I have to mentally battle past that first reaction to get down to the awesome thoughts of, "Let's do this!" OR "It's going to be awesome", "I love doing this!!"....I see how important it was for me to have set up such a ridge routine these last 3 years as I find myself still going through the motions even as I am thinking about how I don't want to do this...so I'll be heading out for another round on the bike and not wanting to, but doing it anyways or thinking about how I really want some crappy junk food right now but instead I am standing in the kitchen cutting up the veggies for a salad! LOL!....It's strange for me right now that my 'insides' don't match my 'outside' and that is a condition that I don't like, so I am taking it one day at a time. Some days I get tired of the battle, on those days the PPD kicks my ass and on other days I kicks it's, but my plan is to be at the winning end in the long run :D It's been really helpful to have the Mommy's/Babe's in Motion team to Coach on the Tues nights. It forces me to get out of my head, help others and get in motion...things that are the hardiest to do some days but end up helping me feel the best in the end. Like the other Tues night I was so tired and so down and just wanted to sit and cry... I felt like if I started crying I would never stop through. I went out to Coach the team and didn't want to break down in front of everyone...so I just kept my head down and started to bike with them, after awhile of biking, sweating and breathing hard and talking with and helping the other girls I felt awesome again...I was even able to run (I've been cleared to run now by my Pelvic floor therapist) it felt SO good to run and BOY did the baby fat on my ass juggle!!! Wholly shit!! It was just flapping in the wind I couldn't believe it, all I could do was laugh as I ran and it felt good to laugh and run!! I even went home after and ran again for another 20 mins....I ran and cried and ran some more...I wasn't sure why I was crying...because it felt so good to run again...because I'm sad about feeling sad?...not sure, but the main point was that I wasn't sitting at home 'in' it any more...I was out doing something about it...and the other good news was that I did stop crying in the end, went home had a shower and an awesome night sleep!...so for now the sweat and tears will clean where the shower can't reach. I hope you are living in YOUR Awesome today!!

Part of the group again...

So I must say that one of the times that I have found the hardest is when I go Coach on Tues nights the 70+ awesome woman of Mommy's/Babe's in Motion and they go out and bike and I have had to sit in the parking lot waiting for them to get back. I don't feel part of and I am missing out on being able to help these ladies while they are out there. WELL!! 2 weeks ago I brought my bike out to join them!!!...we were doing hill repeats on a really hard hill so I figured that I would just bike out with the ladies to the top of the hill, be there for them and bike back with them. I was so excited and nervous about it all day I couldn't stop thinking about it!! So I made it out to the hill and felt pretty good so I decided to do one hill and if I couldn't make it back up I would get off the bike and walk it up....as I was going up the hill and gearing down and feeling the burn in my legs the saying, "It's not going to be easy, it's going to be worth it" came to mind....so I kept peddling. When I got to the top I felt tired, sweat and out of breath...it was awesome!! LOL!!...after sitting to rest for a bit and talking with the team about how to gear properly going up hill I felt rested enough to do another hill!!...and so I did, as I got to the top again I started to cry because it felt so good to be doing something hard again and pushing myself through it. It makes me feel able, powerful, accomplished and of course awesome!! I thanked Scott at the top of the hill telling him that there was no way I could have done that on my old bike, the gears on the new bike are awesome and did a lot of the work for me that I couldn't do right now. Something else I was missing that I didn't even know about until I was able to do it again....I LOVE going down hill fast!!! I LOVE the the feeling...just like I am a kid again...so I always yell out WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!! or HEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAW!!!! as I go down it feels so awesome and makes me smile....just loved being able to hoot and yell again about enjoying something as I do it!! Hope you are living in YOUR Awesome!

Who is beside who?!

So the reason why I started this whole 'lets get up and be active and healthy' thing was so that I could be there beside my children in their life as they were active too. In June 2010 for the Moon in June race this is when it hit me that I had reached and was living my goal. My oldest, Nicholas who was 3.5yr at the time and I ran in the kids 1k race. I had tears running down my cheeks as we started the race running hand in hand and I looked down at him and saw his big smile as we ran along. Then in 2011 I was there again with Nicholas beside him as he had his first Triathlon experience....now recently as I am working myself back up I see something different happening. When I did my first race after having the baby a few weeks back Nicholas asked if me could join me on the 5.6k walk...

so along he came and we passed the finish line together...when I head over to my Moms in some evenings he to get in some swimming he comes along with me

.....and on my first bike ride he heard that I was going out and asked if he could come along...since I was just looping around my street I said "Sure"...in fact it was really nice to have him there as it gave me someone to talk to as I did my first ride and was a good distraction from the fear I was feeling....after that ride I thanked him for coming along with me and told him it ment a lot......that's when I thought to myself....'Who is really beside who now?' Hope you are living in YOUR awesome today!

Living through your stories :)

So recently I have had a few e-mails, messages, posts from other people sharing with me their stories of how they are living in their awesome. I just can't tell you how much this helps me these days! I love reading about how someone has committed to being healthy and active and finding anyway to follow through on that and since there is many things I am unable to do right now I enjoy hearing how others are doing it and how they feel so awesome afterwards...I live through that story....for instance here was a recent post....."Gail I just wanted to share with you ~ I went to bed last night and set my alarm for 5:15. My plan, to get up and go for a bike ride this morning (I hurt my foot this week and biking is the only cardio I can manage right now). So, the alarm goes off, I get up. I look outside and see rain...I stop, I think, I go back to bed. And then YOU showed up in my head!! LOL! All I could think was "that's not what Gail would do". So, I got up, got dressed and went out and had an awesome ride, in the refreshing rain! Thanks Gail!"....isn't that AWESOME!!! As I read this I had tears in my eyes as I smiled and I was 'feeling it' with her. I know it's not so 'awesome' when the weather is crappy and you just want to crawl into your nice warm bed again....but to follow through on your commitment to yourself is a great gift! I also imagined it was me out on that bike in the rain with the water wiping me in the face and dripping off my helmet. Riding through puddles and feeling the water splash up my legs and the spray from the back tire giving me a mud strip up my butt and back...oh yeah baby!! I LOVE IT!!! (in fact the above picture is of me out on my bike during the rain doing puddle 'repeats' 2 summers ago! LOL!...felt like a kid again!)....For a brief moment I was there with her and that to me right now is priceless. So I am so grateful for her taking the minute to post that to me and share her awesome moment.....now in the post she thanks me, but I didn't do anything!! SHE was the one who decided that doing it was going to happen and SHE made it happen. If there's something that I learn from this it's that I was 'on her radar' and that is why she thought of me in order to help her get up.....so going forward I will be sure to keep people who are committed to an active healthy life style on my 'radar' too...seems with a combination of commitment from self and having someone 'in your head' helps keep things moving....I mean there is another way this could have gone right!...maybe something like this..."I looked out saw it raining and went back to bed...then YOU were in my head and I thought this is not what Gail would do....and then I thought to myself....aww fuck what Gail would do, so I went back to bed" !! LOL!!.......So thank you Kathy for choosing to 'live in YOUR awesome' and sharing that with me...we will have to go for a bike ride in the rain together one day!! Hope you are living in YOUR awesome today!

Move, Rest, Recover....Repeat

So I must say things these days sure are going a lot slower then I am use to! From taking 50000 years to get out the door in the morning with all the kids to being able to fit in a swim, bike or walk. Man! if only I had realized before I had my third kid how much 'free time' I really did have I would have enjoyed it more! LOL!....it's all about perspective eh! So before, getting in 4-6 workouts/training sessions a weeks was no issue. I would wake up early or go in the evenings or if I only had a short amount of time I would just do a short hard workout. Well now I am unable to do that. With the baby up once a night to eat an early morning just isn't working for me now and having the kids all day I am wiped out and in bed at 7pm most nights. I also am not able to do a 'hard' workout in a short time as my body won't allow that right now....so what's a Mama to do?!!.....well just get MORE creative...us Mama's are good at that :D......I find I have to MOVE (workout or train) for a day or two then REST while my body RECOVERS and then REPEAT. So that means I have a few days of down time and I am not use to that, but I have to listen to my body (even when my mind is begging me to do more) I just can't take the chance! I have three awesome little boys I have to be able to keep up with for years to come. So this year is an important one! I have to build a strong body again....but do it SMART!! So my creative ways involve swimming circles around my Moms pool while the kids splash and play and sticking to 20min of biking around my streets....

which by the way I finally did on my new bike!!! and all I have to say about that new bike and it's awesome gears is that it's SWEET ASS!!!!!! LOL!!! OMG! I love it and I am really excited about getting back to my normal one day because I got plans for that bike! We are going to go places!! I even called Scott after I did my first ride on it to let him know just how sweet ass I thought it was LOL!....

of course the first thing I did before I got on the bike was take my pink ribbon that represents Meredith and put it on my new bike...I wasn't going to go without her. So I continue on as I move, rest, recover....repeat. I hope you are living in YOUR Awesome today!