Healthy baking.....WIN! & FAIL!!!

Ok so! As I work to get myself back on track by doing my physio on Monday, having a rest day yesterday so I could use my energy to go Coach in the evening. I also realize that I need to focus on the food part too. More so this nasty sweet tooth that I seem to have right now because of the fact that I am nursing.....everyday right after I eat a yummy healthy lunch it shows it face! So I went on the search for something that would help satisfy that sweet tooth while not doing too much damage to my body. I came up with two things that my 4yr helped me make. The first was Chocolate Chip Cookies made with chickpeas. I know! I know! sounds gross eh? but they were good! and I don't mean, good in a 'it's good for healthy food' kinda way. I went out and tested it on the neighbourhood kids asking them to honesty tell me if they worked out or not because I don't bake much and wanted to see it they are ok. I even said I wouldn't take offence if they had anything bad to say about them. They all said they loved them!....then one of the Moms asked me what was in them, I whispered to her "Just wait for them to go away and then I'll tell you!" LOL! They got eaten up so fast I wasn't able to get a picture! So here is the VERY easy and simple recipe: In a food processor combine, 1 1/4cup chickpeas (well rinsed and patted dry), 2tsp vanilla extract, 1/2cup + 2tbsp Natural peanut butter (I used Almond butter), 1/4cup honey, 1tsp baking powder. Blend until smooth then add in 1/2cup chocolate chips and plus. Bake 350 for 15min ** They taste best after being in the fridge overnight** So here is my fail LOL! The next day I did brownies made with Black Beans. They smelled so good baking and truthfully they taste fine when you eat them...that is after you struggle to get them out of the pan!! LOL!!...They won't come out! and when you pry them out they fall apart and crumble....so I'm no baker so I have no idea why this is happening or how to fix it. But my husband thought to put them in the fridge to help them get hard and cool then maybe they will come out. Well I came down this morning to find the whole tray in the freezer! LOL! (that's what the picture above is) I guess the fridge didn't work and we are now going to freeze them out HA HA HA!! So I'll take a picture once we get them out of the pan!....guess that's what you call a baking FAIL!!! But at least I'm back to doing things and having some laughs along the way right?! Hope you are living in YOUR awesome today!

Awesome!.......not so much.

Someone once said to me, "So everyday is awesome for you?!"......my answer was, "No, not everyday. But each day is what you make it" So these days I am struggling with living the reality of my situation of not even being able to do normal life things, never mind trying to get active again. The process is going very slow and I am getting frustrated with it and my patience and positive outlook seems to be wearing out. I'm writing this blog after spending a day on the couch because my body (feet, knees, hips and back) were so sore I couldn't fall asleep until after 2am last night. I woke up this morning and my husband had to get me Advil, I was just able to get out, "I over did it, and I am so sore. I'm sorry hun but you are on your own today" before I fell back into the pillow asleep. That ment that I missed out on a day with my family as they went to the in-laws farm, and instead had to lay here on the couch all day by myself resting. I know that normally that's a dream day for a mother, having the house to yourself and not have to care for the kids. But when you are forced to do it.....not so fun. Recently I have seen a shift in my thoughts, attitude and actions and it's not in the direction of anything awesome. Although I love going out each Tues night and Coaching the Mommy's/Babe's in Motion team I found myself feeling a little down that I can't do what they are doing or that I can't get out to meet other people for walks and I'm feeling a bit lonely because of it. It's no one else's fault because everyone is so supportive and encouraging, it's just my attitude about things right now....I feel left behind since I have to stay behind while others go out and do what I so desperately want to do right now. For the last 2 weeks I also haven't been doing my physio exercises, another reason why the process has become slower (my own fault I know). I have done what many do, I have let other things like work, kids, home get in the way of me taking proper care of myself and the end results is a day like this where I am truly 'left behind' don't get to be with my family and have to spend the day alone and lonely....funny how we spin our own patterns like that yeah!? So although I know what I should be doing and I see all the things I am doing wrong I am still human and it doesn't always go 'awesome'. However, after having a day to reflect and not liking where I have ended up I have a plan and I will write it out here in order to commit to it. I will go back to doing the physio daily I have 3 chance in the day to get this done, in the morning while the baby sleeps, in the afternoon while the baby sleeps and before the big boys get home and in the evening when hubby is home. So I WILL in the day pick one of theses times to stop and do my physio. I will also call a trainer that I know who works with Pre and Post natal woman to come out in a few weeks (I'll set a date) to show me what the next step in exercise is for me to do. I don't know about this and she does and I want to make sure that I will do it right. This will help me to keep doing the physio daily in order to be stronger and ready to move to the next step of building back up. The good news is that the pity party hasn't lasted long and the awesome news is that I feel my days will be going back to being awesome again as I will be making the most of them :) Hope you are living in YOUR Awesome today! :)

Star struck!?

Ok so I guess I wouldn't really say that I was star struck but it was defiantly cool to go from seeing Jillian Michaels on TV to seeing her in real life. She has been a big part of my journey and she doesn't even know it. It was her and Bob that I was watching on the Biggest Loser that night I decided to slide off the couch and start getting in motion by doing sit ups. It was her voice I would hear yelling at the contestants on the show as I did my workout right along with them. It's her Podcasts that I listen to as I would go for a run. I like her! I like that she use to be big too and found the path of healthy living and I like that she gets there is more to weight loss and healthy living then just food and exercise....there is a matter of the brain as well :) Her show was 3hrs long with a 15min break and the 3hrs flew by because she was very fun and easy to listen too. She gave information on calorie in take and best exercise practises along with talking about your inner self and how you process things, if it's a positive way that helps you do it or if you need to change things up in order to 'Maximize Your Life' What I found most awesome about this experience is that I knew a lot of the stuff that she was talking about. I had either learned it or experienced it myself. So although I did learn a few new interesting things what I learned most is that I am on the right path and I'm doing well and that was awesome! So they are sneaky at the show because I tried to get a picture of Jillian on the stage but because she had a spot light on her, she just ended up looking like a glowing figure in the pictures LOL!, So this is the best picture I could get of her! Oh well! At one point I will meet her in person and then THAT will be an awesome picture!! LOL!

Getting back to awesome...and it feels GOOD!!!

So this last week has been SO great! Things have been improving daily like it should have done from the start and it feels SO good!.....I thought that doing the exercises to pull the scar tissue apart inside of me was going to be just as bad as the pain I felt 2 weekends ago...but (knock on wood) it seems that, that was the worst of it! I have been a little sore by the end of the day and feel a little pulling and sharp 'tweek' here and there. But NOTHING like the first big one so, WOOO HOO!!!! So on Sat morning at 5:30am I couldn't go back to sleep after I fed the baby and I was laying there listening to my house of boys snoring away...even the dog snores! LOL! And I thought, "I'm going for a walk!" So I quietly got on my workout clothes. Stuffed my breastfeeding boobs into my Lulu top and off I went.....It was amazing! It was so quite and the air was so fresh...gosh I had missed this SO much! I almost felt like the morning was saying to me, "HI! There you are! I've been waiting for you!" I wasn't even to the end of my street and I started to cry....a good cry....a grateful cry...a happy cry and a cry of relief!....I walked for 29min and did 2.3k in that time. I felt really good about that and know now that, that is my base line of the official start of my training. AND I figure if I'm doing that now then in 3 months I will be good to go to do the 2.5k distance in the Try-Tri race in Sept.....and when I realized that and thought about crossing the finish line, I started to cry again.......so it felt so great to get some of my 'normal' back, cause that's what I use to do before... sneak out of the house on the weekend while everyone was sleeping and go for a run...only right now it's a walk :) AND!!!!! I'm SO pumped for tonight as I am going to see Jillian Michael's in Hamilton talk. This is MAJOR for me since I started this whole journey while watching the Biggest Loser and hearing her straight forwardness and words of encouragement on the screen, I also listen to her pod casts on my runs/walks....I had got the ticket a few weeks back and wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it, as I wasn't even able to sit on my own for more then 30min at that point....but it was just another good goal to work towards to do what I have to so that I would be able to go...so I'm going tonight and I have a feeling it's going to be AWESOME!!!!!!

This is going to be......interesting!

Ok SO! The journey continues! My husband ended up having to call an ambulance this weekend to help me get to the hospital because I was now having pain in a different spot and new hot burning pain so bad that it was shooting down my leg and I was in pain no matter if I sat/stood or laid down....not fun!...after many tests and 3 different doctors checking me out (one being my family doctor) we have found out this.....I not only had a c-section when I had Landon but I also got my tubes tied so there was a lot more going on in there this time and a lot more to heal...which means a lot more scar tissue. The problem started when I got the bad sinus infection right after I had him and had to lay/sit and get better. So that means that all the scar tissue healed with me all crunched forward. Now that I am starting to move around more it is all ripping apart...hence the hot burning pain...oh joy!....Since the physio therapist came on Thurs and I started doing some new movement it has started the process that needs to happen of ripping it apart from where it has healed so that I can move around properly now. That is why the next day after the physio I had the new pain and in a different spot. So it seems my journey will now entail me doing the physio exercises to get things moving then enduring the pain it will cause to rip/pull the scar tissue back into a better spot.... I'm not going to lie I kinda feel like crying just thinking about it cause the pain this weekend was so bad and I am so wiped out from it that I am still recovering from it.....but I guess like everything else I'll just have to take it one day at movement at a time :)

H.O.P.E.

I once heard a great break down of the word hope....Hold On Pain Ends...that's how I feel today :) The Physio Therapist came to my house this morning as I am still not able to get out on my own with the baby yet. She assessed my whole body and as she was doing that she kept saying, "Ya wow that's weak"...now I know that my body has taking a beating over these past few months and that I am not at my pre-baby strength, but it was just a bit of a downer to hear another professional confirm it for me :( However as we went on she was telling me all the different type of physio exercises that I can start doing and I started to feel excited. Excited because I was consulting with some one who knows this stuff better then me and she was finally presenting me with some more solutions to getting better. I just have basic knowledge with my personal experience and professional training. So it was really great to learn some more things from a specialist. Plus I was totally able to understand the exercise she was telling me about and how to increase them over time. So once again I will be at home with myself in my head as my own trainer making it happen...just like when I first started this whole thing 3yrs ago! Today was also the first day that I started to feel a little down and frustrated about where I'm at and how slowly things are coming along. But after she left and I had a list of the exercises to do, I was in the kitchen getting lunch ready thinking about how I was going to make the time to get in all the exercises that I need to do. I then started crying, because I felt hope....I just knew that there WAS going to be an end to this and I WAS going to get better and better from here. AND I finally felt like I WILL be crossing that finish line in Sept for the Try-Tri distance at Kelso!!...before today, I hadn't been so sure. I texted Nancy our Mommy's/Babe's Head Coach after I wiped the tears away, " I feel more confidant about building this body up properly now. I'm going to cross that finish line in Sept...It's going to happen!" So here are my goals for this summer: 1. Do my physio exercise daily and through my day 2. add in walk before I get the big kids at the bus at 3pm 3. Walk the 1k Meredith Hagan Kids Fun run, Moon in June with the baby and my 4yr 4. Do the Meredith Hagan Insperation 5k trail walk (that would make her very happy) 5. Do the Try-Tri distance in Sept at Kelso 6. Do the 5k Island girl race at the end of Sept (walking or jogging...where ever I am at, at that point) Ok I told you all so now I HAVE to do it! LOL! 'Live in YOUR Awesome!'