It's the action that counts!

So!....I once heard, "We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions". I find myself sometimes going there these days. I am judging myself by what I am thinking and feeling, rather then what I am REALLY doing. So as I was out biking with a ladies group tonight I thought about going home writing a list of what I have DONE not what I have thought about it....so here goes......I DID show up for the bike ride (even though I thought of not going)....I DID make it up every hard long hill (even thought I though about getting off and walking)......I DO take care of my body by getting some sleep (even though some days I don't feel to worthy).....I DO let ALL my kids know how awesome they are daily (even thought I feel over whelmed with the responsibility of them).......I DO make a healthy good dinner for the family (even though by the end of the day I am so tired and done I can't think straight)........I DO go to bed with the thought of, "I'll try again tomorrow (even though I feel that some days were just a write off).....I DO keep finding ways to stay in motion (even thought I'm so tired I'm dizzy and I don't really look forward to it right now)....I DO keep getting back on the bike (even thought my Va-j-j screams at me PLEASE NO!!) ....WOW!! Ok that's pretty awesome!...there seems to be some pretty awesome things I'm doing right now.....what do you DO despite what you are thinking? Hope you're living in YOUR Awesome today!

Getting committed....

SO! I'm getting committed now! I have signed myself up for the Try-Tri distance at Kelso in Sept!!! EEEKKKK!!!... I know that signing up for a race is something that is helpful to help me stay in motion. I was just thinking about it too much and fear and self doubt was starting to creep in again. I have learned in the past that the best way to deal with that is just make a decision and move on!! So signing up for the race was me making the decision to keep and stay in motion and that's that!! I'm not sure what race day will look like but I'm just going to be taking it a day at a time anyways. Each week I am finding I am able to do more with less physical problems. Plus I am continuing to work closely with my medical team to ensure that everything I am doing is ok.....So as I registered I had a smile on my face as I typed in my race name 'Gail Van Awesome'! LOL! I love hearing them call that name as I cross the finish line :D.....SO! Van Awesome is BACK!!! I might not be as fast, as hardcore or as able as I once was but I have come to learn that 'VanAwesome' is my spirit, my attitude and my love for the life I have and the people in it...everything else is extra awesome! Hope you are living in YOUR Awesome today

Kicking PPD's a$$

Ok so! it's been interesting around here for sure. I have had some Post-partum depression issues coming up for me and things have become more challenging then normal. I am very lucky to have such awesome people in my life who are supporting me...one main one being my hubby Mr. VanAwesome. Often he has taking on a lot more then normal around here and with 3 kids in tow :D xoxo........The best way I can explain it is that the first voice that is in my head these days is the one that says, "I don't want to do that!" OR "Don't do it" OR "Just stop, just quit"...so I have to mentally battle past that first reaction to get down to the awesome thoughts of, "Let's do this!" OR "It's going to be awesome", "I love doing this!!"....I see how important it was for me to have set up such a ridge routine these last 3 years as I find myself still going through the motions even as I am thinking about how I don't want to do this...so I'll be heading out for another round on the bike and not wanting to, but doing it anyways or thinking about how I really want some crappy junk food right now but instead I am standing in the kitchen cutting up the veggies for a salad! LOL!....It's strange for me right now that my 'insides' don't match my 'outside' and that is a condition that I don't like, so I am taking it one day at a time. Some days I get tired of the battle, on those days the PPD kicks my ass and on other days I kicks it's, but my plan is to be at the winning end in the long run :D It's been really helpful to have the Mommy's/Babe's in Motion team to Coach on the Tues nights. It forces me to get out of my head, help others and get in motion...things that are the hardiest to do some days but end up helping me feel the best in the end. Like the other Tues night I was so tired and so down and just wanted to sit and cry... I felt like if I started crying I would never stop through. I went out to Coach the team and didn't want to break down in front of everyone...so I just kept my head down and started to bike with them, after awhile of biking, sweating and breathing hard and talking with and helping the other girls I felt awesome again...I was even able to run (I've been cleared to run now by my Pelvic floor therapist) it felt SO good to run and BOY did the baby fat on my ass juggle!!! Wholly shit!! It was just flapping in the wind I couldn't believe it, all I could do was laugh as I ran and it felt good to laugh and run!! I even went home after and ran again for another 20 mins....I ran and cried and ran some more...I wasn't sure why I was crying...because it felt so good to run again...because I'm sad about feeling sad?...not sure, but the main point was that I wasn't sitting at home 'in' it any more...I was out doing something about it...and the other good news was that I did stop crying in the end, went home had a shower and an awesome night sleep!...so for now the sweat and tears will clean where the shower can't reach. I hope you are living in YOUR Awesome today!!

Part of the group again...

So I must say that one of the times that I have found the hardest is when I go Coach on Tues nights the 70+ awesome woman of Mommy's/Babe's in Motion and they go out and bike and I have had to sit in the parking lot waiting for them to get back. I don't feel part of and I am missing out on being able to help these ladies while they are out there. WELL!! 2 weeks ago I brought my bike out to join them!!!...we were doing hill repeats on a really hard hill so I figured that I would just bike out with the ladies to the top of the hill, be there for them and bike back with them. I was so excited and nervous about it all day I couldn't stop thinking about it!! So I made it out to the hill and felt pretty good so I decided to do one hill and if I couldn't make it back up I would get off the bike and walk it up....as I was going up the hill and gearing down and feeling the burn in my legs the saying, "It's not going to be easy, it's going to be worth it" came to mind....so I kept peddling. When I got to the top I felt tired, sweat and out of breath...it was awesome!! LOL!!...after sitting to rest for a bit and talking with the team about how to gear properly going up hill I felt rested enough to do another hill!!...and so I did, as I got to the top again I started to cry because it felt so good to be doing something hard again and pushing myself through it. It makes me feel able, powerful, accomplished and of course awesome!! I thanked Scott at the top of the hill telling him that there was no way I could have done that on my old bike, the gears on the new bike are awesome and did a lot of the work for me that I couldn't do right now. Something else I was missing that I didn't even know about until I was able to do it again....I LOVE going down hill fast!!! I LOVE the the feeling...just like I am a kid again...so I always yell out WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!! or HEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAW!!!! as I go down it feels so awesome and makes me smile....just loved being able to hoot and yell again about enjoying something as I do it!! Hope you are living in YOUR Awesome!