Kicking PPD's a$$

Ok so! it's been interesting around here for sure. I have had some Post-partum depression issues coming up for me and things have become more challenging then normal. I am very lucky to have such awesome people in my life who are supporting me...one main one being my hubby Mr. VanAwesome. Often he has taking on a lot more then normal around here and with 3 kids in tow :D xoxo........The best way I can explain it is that the first voice that is in my head these days is the one that says, "I don't want to do that!" OR "Don't do it" OR "Just stop, just quit"...so I have to mentally battle past that first reaction to get down to the awesome thoughts of, "Let's do this!" OR "It's going to be awesome", "I love doing this!!"....I see how important it was for me to have set up such a ridge routine these last 3 years as I find myself still going through the motions even as I am thinking about how I don't want to do this...so I'll be heading out for another round on the bike and not wanting to, but doing it anyways or thinking about how I really want some crappy junk food right now but instead I am standing in the kitchen cutting up the veggies for a salad! LOL!....It's strange for me right now that my 'insides' don't match my 'outside' and that is a condition that I don't like, so I am taking it one day at a time. Some days I get tired of the battle, on those days the PPD kicks my ass and on other days I kicks it's, but my plan is to be at the winning end in the long run :D It's been really helpful to have the Mommy's/Babe's in Motion team to Coach on the Tues nights. It forces me to get out of my head, help others and get in motion...things that are the hardiest to do some days but end up helping me feel the best in the end. Like the other Tues night I was so tired and so down and just wanted to sit and cry... I felt like if I started crying I would never stop through. I went out to Coach the team and didn't want to break down in front of everyone...so I just kept my head down and started to bike with them, after awhile of biking, sweating and breathing hard and talking with and helping the other girls I felt awesome again...I was even able to run (I've been cleared to run now by my Pelvic floor therapist) it felt SO good to run and BOY did the baby fat on my ass juggle!!! Wholly shit!! It was just flapping in the wind I couldn't believe it, all I could do was laugh as I ran and it felt good to laugh and run!! I even went home after and ran again for another 20 mins....I ran and cried and ran some more...I wasn't sure why I was crying...because it felt so good to run again...because I'm sad about feeling sad?...not sure, but the main point was that I wasn't sitting at home 'in' it any more...I was out doing something about it...and the other good news was that I did stop crying in the end, went home had a shower and an awesome night sleep!...so for now the sweat and tears will clean where the shower can't reach. I hope you are living in YOUR Awesome today!!