A Van Awesome Journey
Hi thanks for finding my blog! I am a wife of an awesome husband and proud mother to two amazing boys. I just quit my job to stay at home with our children and now have all the time in the world to play play play!!! Play with my children and play some games of my own...hence this blog. I entered a contest to be part of an Adventure Race something I have never done before. So I am required to blog weekly on my journey...so here goes..thanks for sharing it with me :).................So what has started out as a blog for reasons mentioned above has now continued into an on going journey that I have been asked to continue to share...and you with me! So thanks for coming along for the ride :)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Running with the enemy
I read in an Ad one time a saying......." I use to run with fear, now she can't keep up"....WICKED!!! Was my thought after reading that cause I could relate :)
However I have been finding it hard to be my own cheerleader these days. I currently spend my time training by myself, I never realized how much of a difference it made to hear others encouraging me and cheering me on....as I did with others when we were in a group.
So a few things have been going on and the first thing that started to bring me down was the fact that I have lost more then just weight in this journey. I have also lost friends...people who I love dearly and care for a lot and I am saddened and confused by this and it started to get to me more then normal about 2 weeks ago. So I guess once the door of negative was cracked open more started pushing it self out.
I also I have not been as active as I normally am. I get board SO easy and all I can do on my own is run or workout in my living room. So as you all know I am all about feeling awesome and my body was not feeling awesome which then leads to not so good eating.....which then leads to not feeling awesome...etc ect... I started getting concerned about my health again and if old ways of thinking were starting to cause me problems...ie: "Oh just have one!'....or , "Just a treat for today!"....or " Well now that you had some you should just finish the rest"
So I did something that I don't normally do and stepped on the scale. It was only a different of 6lbs (that's 6lbs up). The number didn't really effect me accept to confirm I wasn't 300lb again, but I still didn't feel good in my body and that's when I know getting active will help that.
Another thing that started to get to me was that I was encouraging my clients to do things that I myself hadn't been doing and I didn't feel good about that.
So this morning I was tired of all the negative build up and decided that I would stick to my normal Sat morning run ( I knew that if I skipped it I would just feel like more crap). The weather called for rain but I was going to go rain OR shine. It wasn't raining this morning but very fogging. In a way that worked out very well for me as I couldn't see how far I still had to go! LOL!....For some reason I picked a route that I have never run before and I didn't know the distance of it either.
So off I go and 20min in I'm already thinking of quiting or stopping....just then some guy ran by me, passing me. "Aw crap! I'm dragging ass" was my thought. 25min into the run I was hurting and not feeling good....now saying that I mean my mind not so much my body. My breathing was hard but that's only because I hadn't done anything in a week.
That's when I realized that I had some major stinking thinking going on. That's when I realized, I'm running with the enemy here! "OK OK you got to start thinking about something else!!!" I said myself....that's when I knew that fear had caught up with me on this run and it was effecting my most important muscle of all....MY BRAIN!!!!
So what did I do?!! I started prayer to Mereidth (My trainer who dyed in a tragic accident) and I started to focus on what she would say and what she would do.
Now I had to stop and walk a few time and I HATE that!!! But! I need to do what I encourage others to do and just chillax on myself. A run is a run, some or better then others and at least I was out there!
So I finished my run which in the end lasted 1hr 10min and was 10.5k in distance!!!! As I was getting close to home I had some tears...tears of what I don't know but I let them come and it felt good. Then funny enough the song Halo, which reminds me of Mereidth came on and that's what I ended my run listening to :)
Now during that last .5k I think that fear got a lil tired because I didn't feel her around in my head anymore....in fact now I was thinking:
Fuck the guy who passed me...who cares
Fuck the pounds
Fuck the time it takes me to run
Fuck the speed that I am running at
I'm out here doing something and that's ALL that counts! Nike is right 'JUST DO IT!'
So I got home, showered and put on my shirt that says, "Strong is the new beautiful!"
I'm baaaaaaack!!!! 8-D
'Live in YOUR Awesome!'