Running with the enemy

I read in an Ad one time a saying......." I use to run with fear, now she can't keep up"....WICKED!!! Was my thought after reading that cause I could relate :)

However I have been finding it hard to be my own cheerleader these days. I currently spend my time training by myself, I never realized how much of a difference it made to hear others encouraging me and cheering me on....as I did with others when we were in a group.

So a few things have been going on and the first thing that started to bring me down was the fact that I have lost more then just weight in this journey. I have also lost friends...people who I love dearly and care for a lot and I am saddened and confused by this and it started to get to me more then normal about 2 weeks ago. So I guess once the door of negative was cracked open more started pushing it self out.

I also I have not been as active as I normally am. I get board SO easy and all I can do on my own is run or workout in my living room. So as you all know I am all about feeling awesome and my body was not feeling awesome which then leads to not so good eating.....which then leads to not feeling awesome...etc ect... I started getting concerned about my health again and if old ways of thinking were starting to cause me problems...ie: "Oh just have one!'....or , "Just a treat for today!"....or " Well now that you had some you should just finish the rest"

So I did something that I don't normally do and stepped on the scale. It was only a different of 6lbs (that's 6lbs up). The number didn't really effect me accept to confirm I wasn't 300lb again, but I still didn't feel good in my body and that's when I know getting active will help that.

Another thing that started to get to me was that I was encouraging my clients to do things that I myself hadn't been doing and I didn't feel good about that.

So this morning I was tired of all the negative build up and decided that I would stick to my normal Sat morning run ( I knew that if I skipped it I would just feel like more crap). The weather called for rain but I was going to go rain OR shine. It wasn't raining this morning but very fogging. In a way that worked out very well for me as I couldn't see how far I still had to go! LOL!....For some reason I picked a route that I have never run before and I didn't know the distance of it either.

So off I go and 20min in I'm already thinking of quiting or stopping....just then some guy ran by me, passing me. "Aw crap! I'm dragging ass" was my thought. 25min into the run I was hurting and not feeling good....now saying that I mean my mind not so much my body. My breathing was hard but that's only because I hadn't done anything in a week.
That's when I realized that I had some major stinking thinking going on. That's when I realized, I'm running with the enemy here! "OK OK you got to start thinking about something else!!!" I said myself....that's when I knew that fear had caught up with me on this run and it was effecting my most important muscle of all....MY BRAIN!!!!

So what did I do?!! I started prayer to Mereidth (My trainer who dyed in a tragic accident) and I started to focus on what she would say and what she would do.

Now I had to stop and walk a few time and I HATE that!!! But! I need to do what I encourage others to do and just chillax on myself. A run is a run, some or better then others and at least I was out there!

So I finished my run which in the end lasted 1hr 10min and was 10.5k in distance!!!! As I was getting close to home I had some tears...tears of what I don't know but I let them come and it felt good. Then funny enough the song Halo, which reminds me of Mereidth came on and that's what I ended my run listening to :)

Now during that last .5k I think that fear got a lil tired because I didn't feel her around in my head anymore....in fact now I was thinking:

Fuck the guy who passed me...who cares
Fuck the pounds
Fuck the time it takes me to run
Fuck the speed that I am running at

I'm out here doing something and that's ALL that counts! Nike is right 'JUST DO IT!'

So I got home, showered and put on my shirt that says, "Strong is the new beautiful!"

I'm baaaaaaack!!!! 8-D




'Live in YOUR Awesome!'

*ive
*ove
*augh
******